Maladaptive behaviors: I thought that was normal

It’s none too uncommon when I’m having conversations with individuals regarding potential problems that they are sometimes surprised to consider certain things they do as “symptoms.”  This is usually because they lack insight, and consider it normal because “I’ve done that my entire life,” or they have failed to recognize the maladaptive implications. Often a spouse, or family member will chime in, “that’s what I’ve been saying,” or they’ll think to themselves, and recall all those arguments from the past which start to make more sense now. 

“Why didn’t I notice it sooner?” An example I’ve provided to often help individuals understand how they’ve gone their entire life, and be oblivious to the maladaptive behaviors is have them consider what it would be like to live your life up until this moment, and suddenly be given a pair of glasses, putting them on, seeing the world in a completely new way, and realizing all that you had been missing out on. This is especially effective for those who wear glasses, or contacts, and actually remember what it was like before having their first pair of glasses, or simply what it is like when they don’t have them on.  

It’s important to learn how to self-reflect, and not be defensive when others point out unflattering details. Typically, what one notices or what others point out is the problem. That’s usually noticeable, but the problem is a consequence. Self-reflection can be valuable in identifying the cause of the problem, or the antecedent that keeps bringing the problems back into your life.

Antecedents: What happened?

Behaviors: What did you do?  (Intervention: What could you have done differently?)

Consequences: How did that turn out for you?